T.J. McCormack

We live in a Leave It To Beaver neighborhood. The houses were built in the late 40′s early 50′s by returning GIs, many of whom were in the aerospace industry here in the San Fernando Valley. The quaint little homes on small parcels make this area a west coast Levittown, NY. Unfortunately, the majority of the people who inhabit the houses around me are nothing like the generation which built them.

One just has to stroll around the block and imagine what a shangri la this must have been in say, 1956. Everyone was grateful for what they had, and happy to share it. The Joneses were a family you had over for dinner, not the people you kept up with. Kids would play happily in the LA weather, and would respectfully say hello Mr. So and So!

Today was an exception to the LA weather rule. It rained. Hard. During a break in the clouds my wife took our 13 month old daughter out for a quick walk as both had been cooped up all day. After a few minutes, Andrea came home and called me to the front room where she stood soaking. She went on to tell me how a neighbor of ours had sped up our street and splashed her and the baby.

I let a lot of stuff go. Mainly because I’m small, and have NEVER been good at confrontation. Recently, however I’ve been playing the role of the neighborhood speed gun cop. I’ve been the douchey guy mowing his lawn and yelling at speeders to slow the hell down. By the way, these speeders are not cut-throughs or visitors. They’re neighbors. People with kids who live within our 6 or so square blocks of 50′s charm. I’ve sent out email blasts through our neighborhood association list, brought it up at meetings and spoken to anyone who’d listen out on the curb.

Up until today, I had only knocked on a door once. That was to address a ridiculously hot Asian chick who drives her massive Chevy Avalanche like Steve McQueen. Seriously, she revs the effin’ monster and peels out like a funny car, and rolls through the stop. One day she did it and lost control just slightly as she passed where some kids often play. I’d had it with her, and walked right up there. I figured the worst that could happen would be some porn scene come to life with me on the receiving end of a very humble apology…followed by her showering with my wife. Boy, can I digress? Anyway, turns out the big dude who came to the door had been approached already about Elwood Blues with the great cans. Apparently he said something to her, because she behaves herself these days.

Well, the thought of my baby being fouled by street water was enough to send me out the door without thinking twice. Andrea described the car and the general location of the drive it turned into. There it was: Smallish white car, diagonal to the right, fresh wet tire marks. As I walked up the driveway, the woman who lives there happened to be outside. I explained what happened. She said she hadn’t been out. I pointed to tire marks, and she finally gave up her aunt. I said my wife and daughter’s safety far outweighed my desire to be  a friendly neighbor, and that she better tell her aunt to take it friggin’ easy on MY street. Yep, I’m a badass now.

What’s the point of all this? Where’s the conservatism? It’s here: The liberals in LA have a special kind of stink. It’s an arrogant attitude that you simply must experience for yourself. They simply have NO concept of how their actions, words etc. affect the people around them. They feel by voting a certain way and cutting checks to right feel-good organizations they go and do as they please with no ramifications…because there rarely are any consequences. The yard signs in my area were 100% liberal. I mean that too. There were JOHN EDWARDS signs all over the place! You would think based on the literature and commercials during the campaign about these altruistic, fair-minded people who feel your pain, that my neighborhood would be an inviting, tolerant place where people follow rules and lend a hand. With a tiny few exceptions, nothing could be further from the truth. I am surrounded by some of the most selfish, mean-spirited foul people I’ve ever come across. I’ve been tailgated, whizzed past and told to go eff myself. These things have happened with my daughter present, and many times with their children present as well.

Do conservatives act this way? Of course they do! Am I singling these people out for some political reason? OF COURSE I AM! I’m doing it because liberals long ago claimed a moral high ground. They have made it their industry to paint conservatives as selfish arrogant haters, when they themselves are even worse offenders based on the hypocrisy of their message.

Liberals hate. Liberals are selfish. Liberals are racists….just like everybody else.

So there.